Relationships: Sanctification in Love

This morning I had the opportunity to wake up slowly, enjoy a cup of coffee, look over some old journal entires, and read my Bible - which hasn't been very high on the agenda for awhile. The couple chapters I read in 1 Thessalonians got me thinking about the fairly constant question I have about what our interactions with others are to look like in light of Christ.

For as long as I can really remember, people have been an easy idol for me - meaning that they can quickly become a "god" in my life, or something that I look to in order to satisfy the deep longings of my heart. I've heard various versions of the phrase I believe J.D. Greear says, "No person is created to carry the weight of another human soul." Even as he places this in light of marriage, the same is true of any other relationship.

I also cracked the cover of Ed Welch's book, Side by Side, today. In his introduction he says, "We were meant to walk side by side, an interdependent body of weak people. God is pleased to grow and change us through the help of people who have been re-created in Christ and empowered by the Spirit. That is how life in the church works."

I often find myself wavering between giving people too much weight in my heart and then beating myself up for needing people and wanting community. This guilt is not from the Lord! He has created us as relational beings in need of Himself and others. Perhaps we can focus so much on our need for the Lord that we forget He created us for relationship with others. I know my heart found much healing and freedom last year while sitting in class and hearing that God created us to need people before the Fall and that if you aren't affected by people in your life, then perhaps you aren't doing life right.

Anyway, back to what I was reading in 1 Thessalonians this morning. 1 Thessalonians 3:12-13 says, "...and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you, so that he may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all his saints." This, in turn, made me think of 1 Peter 1:22, "Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart...."

This second verse has always been intriguing to me, but also has held a level of confusion. How can our souls be purified by loving one another? But this morning I experienced a growing knowledge of the Lord's grace as I realized, His command to us is that we would love one another. Jesus also said that we would be known as His by our love for one another.

There is a deep connection between loving God, loving others, and being sanctified. 

I know that in my life, the times I have most felt the Lord's presence have often been in times of loving others selflessly. My love is marred, because I am human, but the Lord's grace is bigger than my sin. And life is less black-and-white than I used to believe, at least in the sense that our sin is always on the table. The Lord's grace and blessing have not been removed because my selfishness, idolatry, or pride are intertwined with my love, grace, and service. Otherwise I would never experience the Lord's grace and blessing.

It's because HE is faithful. He is never changing. He is always with me. His grace is sufficient, and His power is made known in my weakness.

I am changed in the face of love...knowing that I love BECAUSE I've been loved. And His unconditional love, both to and through me, can't leave me unchanged.

Satisfaction in the Holiday Season

I can't believe that this semester has already come to an end...that Christmas is upon us. Wow.

I absolutely love Christmas. Many times this is for all of the more superficial reasons - music, lights, cookies, gifts, fun. Underneath these though one can often find smiles, joy, laughter. It seems that this time of the year can be a time of celebration, even though for so many it is marked with sadness, sorrow, and grief. Often a small glimmer of hope is born.

Tonight though I am reminded that Christmas fun, tradition, or spirit can never truly satisfy. It can be incredible, but it's not enough...nothing in this world is. 

So may this time of joy, fun, laughter, and gifts cause us to draw our eyes up to our Savior who looks down with love and compassion, "arms wide open, heart exposed." In this light we can look to live authentically and love well.  

He is the Reason for the season. 

(Borrowed lyrics from Misty Edward's song "Arms Wide Open")

Prayers for a Friend

A broken heart, tear-filled eyes,

     A mother’s empty arms.

Defined lines, a weary smile,
     A friend so far away.

The questions start, the cascades fall,

     The pain so evident.

Shoulders bent, grievous prayers,

     Sorrow for a dear Friend.  

The Ball's Still Rollin'

I don't know why suffering happens. Of course there are moments that Jesus gives me a glimpse into the purpose or the why of something. I'm not entitled to it though. Most of the time if I did "know" I probably wouldn't understand or would disagree in my ignorance or would think I knew better than God. I can't understand His glory, or many other quandaries for that matter.

What I do know is that suffering exists. It touches everyone, directly and indirectly. It brings grief and tears and questions. 

Often in my suffering, which is minor comparatively but still real and seen by Jesus, I lose control...and control is something I tend to love. I can either rock to and fro as a wave or reach up in dependence. 

Tonight I was again reminded that this world is not secure. There are a lot of terrible things. Thankfully it's not taking me deep into darkness now though. 

Jesus is my hope. He is the light I see shining in others around me. He is our Treasure who can relate (unto the point of death). He is our Protector, Sustainer, Guide, and Friend - at least when we let him. 

The Goodness of the Lord

Ever since my sister was in preschool my family has carried on the tradition of starting family meals (those consumed in our house) with a simple song of thanks as an intro into prayer. It goes like this:

"Oh the Lord is good to me, and so I thank the Lord for giving me the things I need like the sun and the rain and the appleseed. The Lord is good to me (and my family)."

This afternoon as we sat down to lunch, it occurred to me the irony in living out something we don't always believe at the time. For instance, I may not believe rejecting sin is in my best interest in the moment. Today it struck me as we sung the words to this little childhood song. 

We can always mindlessly say or do something. I suppose it's the Lord's grace revealed when we see our words are not demonstrating the feeling of our heart. Whether I feel like God is good is not the final say. He is. That's it. Yasta, as we would say in Spanish. 

In conjunction with this I was reminded of a Bible study in Spain where at least twice we set aside a time to read Psalm 136 and reflect. We would read the passage. Then we would recount what God had done in our loves and midst and repeat together, "...for His steadfast love endures forever." 

As I re-read this passage tonight, I saw the rub between what we might see as good with our human eyes and what is actually the goodness of the Lord. But God was in it for His people and for His glory. Needless to say, we do see that the people whom He loved and had chosen were in captivity. Would we be tempted to doubt His goodness in the face of a trial and/or refining such as this? My hand is raised in accord. 

Jesus didn't promise an absence of suffering. In fact, it almost seems that Christians are assured of its presence. As a friend pointed out to me, God notices and cares for even the sparrow...but nevertheless the sparrow still falls. We aren't promised ease, but we are promised comfort, security, joy, love. When we can't see or grab hold of these in the moment, we can hope as we believe in faith.

All this to say, as we were singing earlier, the thought of God's goodness seemed a little hard to believe. In the moment. 

But God's grace is sufficient. He died for us when we did not believe, and He loves to blow our expectations with His goodness and greatness. He graciously shows us our faulty thinking. More often than not it is unexpected and redefines our idea or definition. 

Rest assured in the truth though: He is good. His love endures forever. 

No matter what we are feeling, may His grace allow us to continually offer up genuine thanks. 

First Week Down

After taking off across the world, I wouldn't have known what difficulty awaited in moving back to school. Several months ago as I dreaded the leaving of and going to, I imagined such difficulty. Thankfully then the Lord gave me a little perspective that softened my heart to the idea. I don't remember exactly what I was reading at the time, but I believe it was in Isaiah. He reminded me that Jesus saw the difficulty that was ahead, and He chose to say yes. Sacrifice and surrender aren't easy; often these go against our flesh and require the Holy Spirit's divine softening and some guts. They take dependence. 

I just finished up a hard week that involved grieving, sadness, and tears mixed with joy, laughter, and love. I loved Spain. I had come to feel settled there, and then inevitably it was time to say goodbye. After spending a couple of months back home, it was time for yet more goodbyes. When I left for school last weekend it felt almost like I was grieving two losses: home and Spain. Again. 

All of that considered, combined with feeling out of place and without a community, it made for an emotional roller coaster type of week. I didn't realize how greatly I was blessed with a quick and deep community abroad and adversely how much I miss its absence. 

This is a time for me to decide if I really do believe Jesus - if I believe His love, His goodness, His faithfulness. It's a time to depend in the waiting. It's a time to hold out open hands, letting go and resting in my weakness. I am needy. And Jesus knows it and loves me deeply. He can minister where it's needed. 

Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. 

Some of the highlights of this week have been reuniting with old friends, growing connections with some new ones, breaking out the Spanish, talking with a dear friend still in Spain, and seeking out whom God is calling me to specifically love this year. Oh, and starting a new job. 

Another aspect of this week was encoutering my flesh. Sin isn't easy to bear with inside of ourselves or in another. Sometimes it seems ironic that what bothers us about others is often something we struggle with ourselves. Pride is an ugly thing, and I don't believe anyone really likes it. I know in my heart it causes a rift between me and God and places an unapproachability around me to others. 

C.S. Lewis said, "A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.” Sadly pride had a place in my heart this week, and unfortunately it too often does. Lewis also speaks about how pride and competition are directly related. For instance, if I wasn't so concerned about looking like I have everything together, maybe I could hear Jesus calling. Maybe I could see with His eyes. Maybe love could win. 

In my pride I can't see Jesus. I would wager to say at the same time I can't see people as Jesus sees them. I need humility so that my nose isn't stuck up in the air, drawing my eyes to the only thing visible: myself. 

I desire to be a real and true person who is changed by Jesus from the inside out. I want to be a lover of God who can't help but share the love that she has been so freely given. May I be found resting in His unconditional fountain of redeeming love so that sin might reign no more in my mortal body. 

One Little, Blue Lizard

Tonight marked my final service as stand-in "worship leader" at our church here in Granada. Wow...how time flies. 

I'm so thankful for the Lord's blessing me with this opportunity to trust Him, learn more Spanish, and serve with so many gifted and encouraging friends. This experience has put a seed in my heart to bring some Spanish worship to our HLG chapel services. Vamos a ver.

So tonight, as I'm leading worship, I look to the back and see three faces that have become a daily sight in my life here in Granada, actually the family (minus Kassie and Jairus) who encouraged this whole thing: Brian, Malaki, and Cora. 

Earlier this week I had gifted the three kids some small, toy lizards from the beach. Tonight during worship, one surfaced. 

Malaki stood on a chair in the back row, waving his blue lizard back and forth over the heads of others in the congregation. What joy it brought to my heart to see him treasuring this gift and being so excited to make it obvious to me.

Then I began to wonder...how do I respond when my Heavenly Father gives me gifts? Do I give Him the credit? Do I bring a smile to His face with my excitement (even internally)? Do I even notice where His fingerprints are at work?

This little, joyful five-year-old gave me a visible picture of one facet of having childlike faith: uncontainable joy. 

I want to have a child-like spirit that jumps up and down at what her Father is doing, to be more dependent, to live unjaded in this world because I know my Heavenly Father has the whole world in His hands. 

This isn't easy. My natural inclinations are to hold back, trust slowly, be independent, lower expectations, over focus on the bad things. 

I want the faith to step out and ask the impossible. I want to know more of what's on my Father's heart. I desire to pray those things. I want to be filled with joy at the knowledge that there is a loving God that loved me enough to die for me. He has adopted me into His family, made me an heir with His perfect Son, and now I share in His inheritance. 

I can come boldly to the throne of grace.

"God, pull my heart to Yours. Help me to trust You, clinging in the good and bad, knowing that You are working out everything for good. Make me dependent on You; give me Your joy. Give me a childlike heart as my eyes look to You. It's because of Jesus that I'm able to be with You."